My grandmother's views

I love my grandmother; however, many of our views clash, and I really don't know how to make her understand why I do the things that I do.

Since embracing this plant based diet for my young family, it has been very difficult to make pleasant conversation with her. And since I try to call her every day (or at least Monday to Friday) with Little R and Little S, it's hard not to talk about what we eat and how the kids are doing.

Little R has been sneezing, coughing and wiping his mucus from his nose all over his face since last Friday at lunch time. On Wednesday I had made plans with my second cousin and his family to go visit my great uncle (his father), whom I had not seen for several years, on the Saturday (3 days from that Wednesday). I called my grandmother on Thursday and asked her what I could bring my great uncle. She suggested a cake.

Now since Little R was obviously sick on Friday, I called my second cousin and told his wife that we wouldn't be able to make the anticipated visit to the nursing home the next day. They were fine with it, and my great uncle would understand why we would have to cancel.

Saturday morning I spoke with my mom and updated her about the kids. I told her that we weren't going to visit my great uncle anymore because Little R had a little cold. Immediately she chastised: "ah, you mustn't visit the nursing home with kids. See? Your child is sick. Don't go just any where... You must have made him cold. You have to check that your children's hands are warm..." This is typical that if my children get sick because it's cold outside, and I bring them places that I shouldn't.

Today Little R and Little S are both with runny noses and a little miserable. So I decided to make them some hearty and comforting vegan miso soup. My grandmother called while I was cutting up vegetables and making the soup so I didn't answer her call.

When we (Little R and I) finally finished, we went back downstairs to the play room and returned her call. She questioned where we were. "I was making soup when you called," said I. She replied, "I called you a long time ago. I thought that you went out." My grandmother is a little hard of hearing, so I had to repeat a few times that Little R was still not well, and that Little S was also fighting a cold. Again, immediately blame was shot in my ear. "I told you not to bring them out. You don't listen. You think that you can bring small children anywhere! It's cold outside. And you shouldn't bring them to nursing homes. It's a hospital. You might think you could go anywhere, but think about the children." She asked me what I was going to eat for lunch. I told her that we were going to finish off some left-overs, have some rice and the soup. There was broccoli, carrots, potatoes and some yu choi. Right away she roared: "you see?! You're feeding them choi (leafy green vegetables). Why are you doing this!? Why must you be like this?! Just because you and your DH want to lose weight, you shouldn't put your children in this position. Why don't you think about the nutrition of your children? You don't let them eat meat. They can eat only special eggs (organic free range). No one in the world is like you. Your mother evens says that you're brainwashed with books (perhaps such as The China Study)."

It wasn't a good conversation and I didn't know how to explain my reasons for my new life-style in her language. So I suggested that she fix lunch for my sister. "Why do you always tell me to go cook when I talk about this?" I didn't want her upset, and I wasn't about to do what she was telling me to do, so getting off the phone and cooking would be a good suggestion, no?

Yes, I am a little annoyed with the accusation that I don't consider my children's health, and insulted that they think I'm brainwashed from reading. I have not come to just decide I'm not going to eat any more animals and their products just like that. It's been years of thinking, reading and experience.

I'll admit that the my first attempt at being vegetarian (when I was 17 or 18) was to lose weight and to be different, that my second attempt (which lasted for about 5 years) was because I really felt better not eating animals, that my third attempt was short lived because I conceived Little R. Throughout my years of being lacto-ovo vegetarian, I did not have a clear stance on why I was that way. I wasn't sure that I would remain that way for the rest of my life. Then while I was off my vegetarian path, I always pondered, "would I eat this if I had to kill it?" Then it occurred to me that I would probably be able to catch a fish and eat it, but nothing more than that. So, what I wouldn't kill I should probably not eat because in essence if I eat it, I give the demand for someone else to kill it.

What are my reasons for transitioning my whole family to a vegan (and we're not even true vegans) life-style?

• It's better for our Earth (less energy and waste produced to raise the animals for slaughter)
  
• It's better for our health (more vitamins, fiber, minerals, less saturated fats, no animal protein that is linked to the promotion of diseases of affluence such as cancer [refer to The China Study])
  
• It's a statement against factory farming of animals and their products

DH and I have also discussed allowing the children to eat whatever they want. We have chosen this life-style for ourselves, and we are not trying to convert people (not like religion) to veganism. We will let our children chose what they want... when they are older. In the meantime I want to know that I am giving them the best possible start in life. I tried eating well while I was carrying them, then nursing them for as long as I was able (Little S is still nursing). DH asked me if it would be okay for the children to eat dairy cheese and things that contained animal products. My response was that if I had not read The China Study, and if I did not know about the high correlation between the cow's milk protein casein to cancer promotion then I might not have any objections. However, since I do have this knowledge I'd think it irresponsible of me as a parent to feed dairy to my children.

Children do get sick. Then they also get better. They don't get sick because I made them cold or brought them to the Early Year's Centre or because I feed them vegetables. I want to avoid the use of drugs unless it becomes necessary, but I'm always told to give medicine and medicine to the kids. I know that I was given medicine as a kid, and I also know how much my dad complained that I was always weak and sick. Maybe there is a correlation.

I know that my views have always been very different from my family's, but I also know that my elders wanted what they thought was best for me as I want what I feel is best for my children. I hope that my grandmother at least can understand this.